I can still remember the first time I felt God. I was 12, sitting on a bench at my childhood church. I had yet to be baptized and wasn’t even certain if I wanted to be. I mean, I KNEW I was supposed to get baptized, I just didn’t know if I WANTED to get baptized. The thought of it terrified me. What if they dropped me and I drowned? What if the water got into my eyes? I had so many questions. Everyone around my age had already been baptized, so at this point I felt like the spotlight was on me.
Sunday after Sunday, I went to church. Sunday after Sunday, I would sit in my seat and PRAY no one looked at me. If it was to happen I had already rehearsed my plan of action, look away and pretend I didn’t even see them. I wasn’t ready, I needed time, I needed to lose weight to lower my risk of being dropped. Nightly I would pray about it and I felt like God wasn’t giving me an answer on when was right for me.
Now remind you, I was 12. Church at this point wasn’t a joy in my life. I had to get up early, and sit for 2 PLUS hours ( I’m sure we’ve all been to a black church). I attended catholic school as child, so I felt like I knew all there was to know. Adam & Eve ate an apple. Jesus was born to a virgin. Noah had an ark. I would go to church, half listen, then I would go home and think nothing else about it.
My church was a decent size. I was the fourth generation of my family to attend and it felt like home. I knew most of everyone at the church, they were my family. It was our church anniversary and the spirit was high! We had a beautiful service and towards the end I heard those words ” the doors of the church are open “. I sat there. Emotional. I couldn’t understand WHY I was emotional. I started to tear up. I couldn’t understand why I was teary-eyed. As I sat, I had numerous thoughts in my head wondering if this was the time. Not only was it the time for me to be baptized, but was this honestly God I was feeling?
Next thing I knew, I was in the chair ready to become a candidate for baptism. Crying my eyes out I felt so much security.
The next Sunday. It was show time. I was doing what I never thought I could do. I was finally letting go and fully accepting Christ into my life.